Cognitive Fusion
Let’s play a game! Start by holding up five fingers and then read each of the following statements.
Here we go:
Put a finger down if you have ever failed to stand up for yourself just to avoid a conflict. For instance, you let your mom keep violating your privacy every time she tells people all about your divorce (even though it was important to you to keep details private) but you don’t say anything to her to avoid a possible blow up.
Put a finger down if you have ever said to yourself, “I’m not capable enough.”
Put a finger down if you have ever said, “I am not the type of person who…” and this identity of yourself kept you from experiencing something new. For example, you said, “I’m not the type of person who takes risks,” so you don’t take a great job opportunity in favor of staying with what is familiar.
Put a finger down if you have ever made a sweeping judgement about yourself. (Typically, something like, “I’m lazy” or “I’m stupid.”)
Put a finger down if you have ever said, “If I do this, then people with judge me,” so you don’t do it.
How many fingers do you still have up? Honestly, most of us will have most or all our fingers down – so let’s talk about why.
Our thoughts are not always looking out for our best interest. They’re not always truth tellers. In fact, sometimes they keep us stuck and keep us from living fulfilling lives. The act of getting stuck like this is referred to as COGNITIVE FUSION. Cognitive fusion is essentially the idea that we are so tightly stuck to our thoughts that it’s like we are “fused” to them.
In many ways this process of cognitive fusion leads to suffering because we have become so fused with our thoughts and beliefs that we are unable to distinguish them for what they are – just thoughts. Thoughts themselves are nothing more than fleeting ideas or opinions and they often change over time. Having a thought does not mean the thought is true! But some thoughts can become so powerful they take on a life of their own, thereby taking over our actions and responses. This “taking over” then influences how we communicate with others and how we engage internally with ourselves. A thought has now become a “truth” and it is shaping us and our actions, often without our awareness of it. However, once we are aware, once we realize that thoughts are just simply thoughts, we can start to use the ones that benefit us and disconnect from the ones keeping us stagnant.
Disconnecting from these thoughts is a process called DEFUSION. Defusion is a technique that asks us to simply notice we are having thoughts and to consider that thoughts are just words in our head. Again, not all thoughts are true! Seeing thoughts as just words allow us to get some emotional distance from them rather than allowing them to hijack our behaviors. If we notice our thoughts and metaphorically “hold them in our hands”, we have time to consider them, consider alternatives, and make a choice on how we want to respond to them. Defusion allows us to check our thoughts to see if they are accurate and/or helpful; it allows us to separate our identities from our thoughts.
There was a metaphor that I heard once where thinking is like shopping for cereal. When shopping for cereal you browse aisle picking up cereal boxes, checking them out, and putting them in the cart if you want them (if you choose them) or back on the shelf. What if our interaction with our thoughts was similar? We look at all our thoughts, really check them out, and choose which ones we will stick with and which ones we will leave behind?
Let’s use an example to illustrate how this might work. Pretend you are going on a first date with a person you find really attractive, and you have all of these thoughts: “I’m too ugly for them. This might be awkward. I’m not good at small talk. They seem really nice. I am really excited for this date. I’ll probably make a fool of myself.” Some of these thoughts have you considering canceling the date! If we’re using the cereal shopping metaphor – we might consider the thoughts “I’m too ugly. I’m not good at small talk” and choose not to listen to or believe them, while choosing the thoughts “They seem really nice. I’m so excited for this date.” to believe.
Therapy can be a great way to learn more about changing unhelpful ways of thinking. If you would like more information on defusion please feel free to reach out to us at Narayan Therapy Services.
